Wednesday's Wisdom

Parental Paydays

Rebecca, over at her blog called Renaissance, shared some delight pictures of her baby smiling.

I commented that it looked like a parental payday to me.

What is a parental payday? Well it's what TopDad and I call those infrequent moments when what a child says or does makes us feel that our efforts to raise that child have paid off, been worth it, been successful.

Most jobs offer money and other tangible benefits that come at usually regular intervals. Working as a parent can often seem like a thankless, benefit-less, exhausting effort. But then those little moments happen, like a baby smiling, or a teen doing a task without being asked, or a young adult expressing genuine gratitude, and it's a parental payday!

It reminds me to be a better child to my Heavenly Parent, smiling and being cheerful, doing things without being commanded (or nagged), and expressing real gratitude for the multitude of miracles and blessings I receive daily.

Well, we made it

I finished enough of the painting to hold a graduation party on Friday night:

At the commencement ceremony Dandylion played the drums in the prelude (Guardians of the Galaxy) and the processional and recessional (Pomp and Circumstance).

We heard a local veterinary doctor give the commencement address; he advised the students to 1) Be honest, always tell the truth; 2) Love what you do and you'll be successful; 3) Believe in something, you'll need faith in your life; 4) Always be positive, avoid negativity, have fun; adversity makes you better.

Posed with the graduate:

And caught a picture of two sets of brothers who are good friends:

Wordy Wednesday - Parenting

I was the last of my parent's children to marry and have children, by a long time. When we all got together my parents thought my children were brats compared to the older grandchildren, so they sent me a book to help. It hurt my feelings at the time, but I got over it and am grateful for them pointing me in the right direction. The book is John Rosemond's Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children (also available here and here) Our children were normal, immature children; their grandparents were old, tired and accustomed to quieter, older, mature grandchildren. Also comparing our children to their own was unfair because there are long spaces between my brothers and I and our youngest sister, while my children came at fairly regular intervals and were all young together. That makes for more noise and excitement.

So what's the six point plan? Here's my brief synopsis:

Point One - The Parent Centered Family
When you think about it, the purpose of family life is to raise independent children who will leave home to form their own families and leave the parents on their own again. If we neglect our spouse we will end up strangers when our children are grown and then what's left? Children orbit around the parents, not the other way around. When children are the center, they can grow up selfish and unable to meet the needs of others.
For single parents he says ". . .you can't successfully supply someone else's 'warehouse' unless your own is fully stocked."

Point Two - The Voice of Authority
Expect your children to obey. My parents told me "Make them mind," and it took me a long time to figure out how. Parenting is tiring, but when done right, in spite of exhaustion, produces wonderful adults. We are not meant to be friends with our children until they become adults. We are meant to teach and train them to become successful in life and lead them, literally by the hand when necessary, to that end.

Point Three - The Roots of Responsibility
Expecting children to work is so vital to their maturity. Responsibility comes before rights, a lesson that too many aren't learning, as evidenced in the infantile obsession with rights in our country today. "Give them opportunities to learn the hard way, which is often the only way possible."

Point Four - The Fruits of Frustration
Part of maturity is being able to deal with whatever life throws at you without having a meltdown. Consistent doses of Vitamin N (the NO word) produces children with strengths such as self-discipline and self-control.

Point Five - Toys and Play: The Right Stuff
"So, how are parents to know whether the toys they are buying their children are good investments? In addition to being safe, a good toy embodies four qualities:
-First, it presents a wide range of creative possibilities.
-Second, it encourages manipulation.
-Third, it's age appropriate
-Fourth, it's durable."
He gives a "10" to Legos, with building sets like Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, and Erector Sets coming in a close second. He advocates art materials, dolls (cuddly ones that don't do everything), stuffed animals and such. He also gives his advice on involving children in organized sports (or not involving as he advises).

Point Six - Television and Children: More than Meets the Eye
He advocates severely limiting screen time (of any kind) for children during the most important developmental time of their lives, up to six years of age. "They are called "formative" because they comprise that period during which the young child is discovering, developing, and strengthening the skills he/she will need to become a creative, competent person.

 His final point is to love them enough to do the other six.

These points work! I've seen it in our children and many others who were raised in a similar way. And when adult children express gratitude for being raised in this way, well, that's what we call Parental Paydays. Hope you have many!

Work

Day Twenty-three of Count Your Blessings - 2013

In Almost Amish by Nancy Sleeth she says "What we forget is that giving kids chores is exactly that: a gift. Does Junior really need to know how to rake leaves? Perhaps not, but raking leaves will teach him important lessons about staying on task, teamwork, and delayed satisfaction." The same can be said about any kind of repetitive chore. Today the boys shoveled snow and are at this moment doing the dishes.

I'm so thankful my parents taught me to work. To this day I don't feel a job is finished until all the tools (whatever they are) are put away and the area cleaned up.

And it's always a good day when I receive a compliment about the work ethic of our children.

Parental Paydays!

Motherhood is an unpaid, many times unappreciated, more than full-time career. I chose it and have given my very best efforts. My husband and I count parental paydays as anytime we are praised, shown love or appreciation for our jobs as father and mother. This can be as simple as a slobbery kiss and an "I love you" from a toddler to a comment like the one we received at a symphony concert to which we had taken our five children ages 16 to 7. At the intermission, a woman sitting behind us said "You have most well behaved children I have ever seen. You really have done a good job with them." Cha-ching! Parental Payday!

Today I got one from our missionary:

Mom, I want to once again thank you for putting up with me for 19 years and diligently teaching me. I know I put you through a lot of hardship, bad days, tough times, and I may not have always been as respectful or loving as I should have been; However, therein lies the beauty of the Atonement and the gift of forgiveness. I have changed. I have learned. I am trying hard to be better each day, and frequently Elder F lets me know of improvement. He also has a few nicknames for me, as in Elder Einstein, Elder Nigh (Reference to Bill Nigh the Science Guy TV program), and Elder Emerson (I hop I spilld that rite!).

He makes a comment and I back it up with science. thus the nicknames. They are all good-natured and he never does it without humor, so I take it nicely. And he is the one that attended BYU before the Mission. I am the Utah Red-Neck/ Midnight-Shift worker. But I did read encyclopedias as a child, so there is not much to be said. Except maybe "Thank you Mom, for putting them on the bottom shelf of the bookcase, within easy reach of hands driven by a hungry mind."

Also, "Thank you Mom, for teaching me a little cooking before the Mission. I am SO teaching you how to make Argentine Empanadas while conversing in about 2 months!"

So, today is a good day!

P.S. I don't know why the spacing is so weird and don't know how to correct it. Sorry.