NaNoWriMo - Chapter Four

Just a reminder - This is a rough (very rough), quickly written, draft for a month long writing marathon called National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo.

Chapter Four

Rewards and Motivation

At the beginning of this year I attempted to change habits and lose weight. I had a plan and made a chart of rewards, something for every ten pounds I lost. The rewards were things I needed and wanted so I thought that would motivate me to actually change my eating patterns and exercise habits and lose weight. Wrong. One thing I have learned is that the more attention I pay to results, the more perverted and oppositional my mind becomes and I do everything opposite of what I should do to achieve my goals. It is that old reverse psychology at work, or something like that, I guess.

This time around I have chosen a simple reward for every ten pounds lost and it will be the same for every ten pounds. It is not something I need and will buy anyway, it is something I’ve never had before but would like to indulge in as a luxury. That thing is a massage. My old tired bones and muscles would enjoy a massage, I think. I dated a man, once, who had massage therapy training. He told me that he would like to give me a massage and he felt that the best one would be a very delicate, light touch one, beginning at my feet. I told him that would simply tickle me and I would probably kick him in the teeth, not on purpose, of course, but out of reflex. He seemed really surprised that he hadn’t read me correctly. It must have been a flaw in his training. Anyway, like I said, I went out with him only once.

So, a nice massage for me, there are several places in town, every ten pounds. Ten is such a nice round number and it is more that a fluid loss; seriously, I can lose five pounds just by not drinking anything for a couple of days. Not that I like to do that as all sorts of other problems appear as a result of lack of hydration, but that is a way to lose, on the scale at least, a quick five pounds. No, ten pounds takes more effort through a combination of eating correctly and exercising vigorously and consistently.

My husband has promised me a BIG reward at the end, or rather when I reach my last goal. I have long wanted a dress form to assist me in sewing clothing that fits me perfectly, as well as refashioning the deals I find at thrift stores. Have you ever tried to alter something by fitting it to your body? Does. Not. Work. Hence the desire for a dress form, or a body double, or a my twin. But I don’t want one the size of a whale, which is what I am now. “Ooh, they’ve outlawed whaling, dearie.”

Just for fun let’s look at what I had slated for rewards earlier. Okay.

Number One: 10 pair of new underwear (I got that because my old ones were shredding.)

Number Two: new sheets for my bed (I got these also, but gave them, with the bed, to our daughter when she got home from the Air Force.)

Number Three: Two fruit trees (did not get these)

Number Four: Three pairs of new shoes (I got these when I found a killer deal on the summer shoes I love, and desperately needed; it was either that or go barefoot, or wear the old shoes that hurt my feet.)

Number Five: Attend a cultural event such as symphony concert, live theater, or ballet (Haven’t done this one either.)

Number Six: A dress form (Nope, did not get this one yet.)

So some things I got and some things I didn’t. The worst of it is that I did not reach any of my goals.

What happened? I could blame it on all sorts of things like the saboteurs who live with me; the weather, dark and cold in winter, hot and humid in summer; the stress of several unremitting bad situations; an aging metabolism (that one especially!); travel (except that I actually lost weight in Japan and thought my hostess should open a spa/weight loss clinic for fat Americans); sickness and hospitalization; and whatever else happened to me this year. But really, the only reason I did not succeed is because I did not want to badly enough. Remember what I said at the beginning about the successful? They made a decision to do it no matter what.

Along the way I have read a lot and pondered a lot about the process of gaining control over my eating and exercising habits and patterns. I have learned a great deal about myself and what it will take for me to make that decision.

I grew up thinking that I would graduate from high school and immediately get married. That was what I wanted; that was all I wanted. The other girls I grew up with wanted to go to college, serve missions, travel, work and do all sorts of fun things, and THEN get married and have a family. Guess what? They got married and I did all that other stuff. When I was about twenty-six and had an inkling that I may never marry and that I did not want to be a receptionist the rest of my life making just about minimum wage. An employer offered to send me to college so I could become their accountant. I enrolled in one of those colleges for working adults where you attend one class per month and at the end of thirty-six months you are awarded a degree. I lasted nine months and decided that being an accountant was stifling. I changed jobs, and schools and declared art history as a major because I had liked that class at the first college. In fact, the professor of the class had recommended me to the dean of the Law school on the basis of my writing ability. I met with him and had an interesting conversation, but since I was still technically a freshman we decided to wait until I was further along before committing to anything.

At the new school, a local two year community college, I took two courses per semester and loved every minute of it. Until I took the second half of art history, where I discovered that the teacher was an arrogant boor who delighted in trick questions on quizzes and exams. I finished the course and changed my major to straight history.

Almost every class I took excited my curiosity and I would think I want to take more of this. After another year I changed my major to English because I had a fantastic teacher for a course called Vocabulary through Semantics. I totally loved that class. We had to write essays frequently. After the first one came back with a grade but little marking on it, I approached the teacher and asked for more input. I wanted to improve and could not unless he showed me where and how. Thereafter he used a lot of red ink on my papers, but I learned so much more!

What does all of this have to do with dieting? I’m easily distracted by new interests. I read once of a man who chooses one subject to study each year and becomes an expert on that subject. I tried that and lasted about a month. I just do not have the discipline to focus like that. I am more like a butterfly flitting from flower to flower, tasting the sweet nectar of each one briefly before being drawn to the next brightly colored bloom.

Perfectionism is another of my handicaps. I want to have the perfect plan, the perfect planner, the right tools, all the resources lined up and ready to use. I want there to be no interruptions (like that’s going to happen with a husband and children around). I want the weather to be perfect every day for me. I want to have the correct exercise clothes and equipment, the right walking shoes, and plenty of comfortable socks. All of that costs money and that has been in short supply until just recently.

I have had to return to my “pioneer” roots of Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without, in order to begin where I am. Circumstances are never going to be perfect. There will always be glitches, flexibility will be needed, and pressing forward in spite of everything will be the way to make progress.

A few years ago I determined that I wanted to be a doer, one who does, rather than one who dreams, plans or otherwise does not get things done. Little by little I am overcoming my weaknesses. It is hard work. I follow a blog called “If you do stuff, stuff gets done.” I love it!

Now for a quick recap of the last of yesterday, and then today.

My husband saboteur redeemed himself by taking me for a walk when he got home from parent/teacher conferences. The night was still warmish and the sky was brilliant with stars. We walked up around the square as usual and it was a nice ending to the day.

Today I’m pleased that I resisted temptation at Wally World, where every aisle is loaded with them. I must admit that I wasn’t initially resistant, I picked up a bag of Brachs crème pumpkins and another of candy corn. They were in a basket just inside the doors and looked so inviting and on sale. However, as I walked through the aisles getting the four things on my list I realized that I was sabotaging myself and that I would end up eating a few and throwing the rest away, which would be bad for my figure and bad for my wallet. So I did the dishonorable thing and dumped them on the nearest shelf.

I raked leaves again today; this time with our daughter’s help. We managed to get bigger loads on the tarp and into the trailer. I can feel the effort now in my shoulders and back. Hopefully those flabby muscles are being tightened and toned by this exertion.

Lunch was comfort food today. I made three corn tortilla quesadillas. I ate them with probably a quarter cup of chunky salsa, which I love. To further fall off the wagon, so to speak, I had about a quarter cup of chunky chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

Tonight’s dinner was a cheeseburger and fries from the local Mexican/Italian/American restaurant up town. I ate only half of the burger, and only a few fries. It was just too much and although it tasted good, I just could not force myself to eat any more than that.

Overall, in spite of waking up with an earache and facing temptations, I think I did fairly well.

NaNoWriMo - Chapter Three

Just a reminder - This is a rough (very rough), quickly written, draft for a month long writing marathon called National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo.

Chapter Three

Election Day, November 3

While my husband and I agree on who to vote for, we do not agree on what to eat. He is a true Midwestern man who loves roast and potatoes, fried chicken and potatoes, meat of any kind and potatoes. I am a California girl who loves beans and rice, whole grains and lots of vegetables. We’ve been married for over twenty-seven years now and I’ve steadily gained weight the whole time.

Beginning today I determined that I will cook two meals if I have to and perhaps he will see the advantage of eating my way. After all, actions speak louder than words. This morning I fixed him and our son Dan a breakfast of fried potatoes, scrambled eggs, and pumpkin spice English muffins. With them I ate a cutie. After they left I fixed myself a bowl of cracked wheat hot cereal with a tablespoon of raisins and one of wildflower honey, with a couple of tablespoons of milk (I didn’t measure). It tasted delicious.

My exercise for the day was raking leaves and loading them by the tarp full into the utility trailer. We have two almost century old maple trees in front that drop their gorgeous red, orange, yellow leaves onto the lawn every year. Most of our slaves, I mean children, are grown up and gone so we are having to relearn the work we used to delegate to them. The weather is particularly nice this year and it was a pleasant hour's work to make the front yard of one of our homes tidy. Raking is a good workout for the arms, shoulders and back. I can feel it now as I sit here typing.

After raking I came in and wanted something sweet, simply out of habit, or more likely an addiction. But I managed to satisfy the craving with three prunes and a glass of water.  I showered and dressed to get to the polls, not sure if they closed early, at noon, or what. Surprise, surprise, they didn’t even open until noon today.

We are in the midst of a city mayoral and council member election. One of the mayoral candidates is a write-in, not sure why, but he is a neighbor of ours and has been supportive of our efforts to preserve our neighborhood from the ravages of the neighbors from hell. But that’s another story. One of the council candidates is also a friend of ours who as an incumbent wants to continue fighting against the status quo, and develop a master strategic plan for the city to ensure slow, steady growth without crushing indebtedness. We like his philosophy and want to see him make headway with the council. Like many small towns there are cliques here, and some families who seem to be related to everyone in the county. We are hopeful that after the candidate forum last week and letters to the editor, citizens will choose wisely and we can move forward sensibly.

We have some wonderful amenities here, one of which I use frequently. We have over twenty miles of paved walking, running and biking trail from our town south to the interstate, and on into the next county. I use the trail for walking when the weather is good. When the weather is not good, I use our treadmill. We have four parks with facilities for picnicking, two have playgrounds, the one in the middle of town has a pavilion for concerts, programs or dances and one had (no longer) a section landscaped with native prairie plants.

My husband and I like to walk from our house north to the square, around the square to the library, stop in for a good book to read, or a chat with the wonderful staff, maybe to pick up a movie, and then back down the street and home. One of the nicest part of living in such a small town (population 2,100) is that I can walk to all the places I need to go, ie. Post Office, hair salon, library, county court house, city utility office, police office, dentist, library, florist, bank, Mexican restaurant, hardware store, Chamber of Commerce, antique store, thrift store, movie rental, lawyer, realtor, did I leave anyone out? I can even walk to the grocery store, and have when I’ve need a walk and an item or two. I can walk to the high school where my husband teaches, and where our three younger boys attended. I walked over there for parent/teacher conferences, band concerts, basketball games, tennis matches, football games (not for the games, but for the marching band in which our two youngest sons played, James on trumpet, and Dan on bass drum), Veterans Day programs, and to deliver or pick up things as needed. Oh, and to vote!

Now, where was I. Okay, after I came back from not voting yet, I fixed myself some lunch. Our daughter, Liz, introduced us to all things Korean, so I prepared a Korean noodle bowl with some modifications.

Pursuant to my desire to increase my intake of vegetables I got out of the fridge a carrot, celery, broccoli, green onions, and from the freezer a bag of frozen sweet peas. I peeled and chopped the veggies, and measured a half cup of peas. Then I opened the noodle bowl, broke the noodles in half and discarded the smaller half (which technically would not be exactly half, but you know what I mean). I broke up the noodles, because I am not very fluent with chopsticks yet and prefer to eat soup with a spoon, added the packet of seasoning and dumped in the all the vegetables except the frozen peas, added water and microwaved it. After it finished I transferred it to a metal bowl, Korean style, stirred it up and added the peas, which act as a cooling agent making it possible to eat without scalding my throat, or overcooking the peas.

The bowl of soup certainly filled me up, but didn’t completely satisfy me; remember I am overcoming an addition to sugar. I ate another cutie. Then went to vote. When I got back I grabbed a half dozen walnut halves from the freezer, and found the last of a package of butterscotch chips, probably a couple of tablespoons full which I ate finally satisfying my sweet tooth. While I have been typing I have dipped into my container of prunes for a couple more treats.

Sabotage

My husband came home briefly after school to plug in before returning for parent teacher conferences. In the course of our conversation he mentioned that the cooking class made soup and cookies to serve to the teachers tonight. Yum! Soup, I can make some soup for my supper. I have onions, canned tomatoes, olive oil, and basil to make a delicious thick tomato soup. Wonderful idea! So I got out the ingredients and placed them on the counter to remind me of my plan. Remember, planning ahead is vital to making good choices.

I sat back down to check blogs or something. A few minutes later my husband came in announcing that today is National Sandwich Day and it was buy one get one free at Subway and here was my very own Veggie Lovers foot long sub sandwich. Oh, gee, honey, thank you.  Well, I can save the tomato soup idea for my lunch tomorrow. I checked the sandwich and found he had not had any cheese put on it so I got out the small block of Pepper Jack cheese and sliced off some, added that to the sandwich and drizzled some Good Seasons, make it fresh, Italian salad dressing. And ate the whole thing! The bread was whole wheat, and it had spinach, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, onion and green bell pepper on it. Decently healthful.

I am safe tonight from temptation (I hope) because we are all out of cake, cookies, candy and ice cream. This is another area where my husband and I differ. I would like to have treats for holidays, not every day.  The infrequency of having them is what makes them “treats”. Candy is no longer special if you have it every day. Dessert every night after supper takes away from the specialness of the pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving.

I have come to believe also that quality matters in desserts and treats. No longer will I buy cheap ice cream—it tastes nasty. I will purchase the good stuff and be satisfied by much less of it. This principle was brought home to me last year when I purchased some Cavendish and Harvey Pear and Blackberry candy drops over at the Cheese Shop in Kalona, Iowa. One of those candy drops tasted so delicious and satisfying (and only 19.4 calories) that I was able to make that tin of candy drops last for months. This year I want to get enough to last a whole year, since that is how frequently I shop over there as it is four hours away, but totally worth the trip.

Likewise, high quality chocolate is more satisfying than the cheap stuff. I think the reason we overeat candy is because we are trying to satisfy our tastes and emotions with what amounts to, pardon my language, crap.

Hopefully, my personal saboteur will not bring home any cheap treats tonight.

Daily Activity

I miss living in a two-story house for the simple reason that going up and down stairs multiple times each day is a great workout without even thinking about it. Since living for the past two years in a one story house my quadriceps have atrophied to the point that when I do have to go up a flight of stairs they scream in pain and burn in indignation. We have a basement in our current house, but it is unfinished and used solely for storage. Occasionally, when the need arises and the main floor bathroom is occupied I will run downstairs to the toilet, but other than that I do not go down there. I have thought that I should use the stairs as an exercise, my own personal stair climber, but have not proceeded to do so. Add that to my list for November.

As I mentioned earlier, I walk around town to do my errands and when I drive to another city I park far away from entrances so I can get a bit of a walk in to counteract all the sitting while driving I am forced to endure.

There are benefits to doing tasks the old-fashioned hard way. For many years before I married I did not possess an electric mixer. I made all cakes, cookies, etc. by hand, or rather by arm power. I enjoy sweeping rather than vacuuming. Hand raking leaves rather than using a noisy, smelly blower. I keep resisting my husband’s desire to get a riding lawn mower. Everyone I see on those things is overweight! I would prefer to walk a mower around as part of a passive exercise regime.

Later –

I came home from parent teacher conferences to find another saboteur in the house. Our daughter, living with us in between service in the Air Force and attending college, was over (she lives in our other house next door) watching a favorite television show (The Librarians) with a plastic box of shortbread cookies. Arrrrghhhhhh!!!!! How dare she? I will resist. And eat a couple more prunes.

Just another little bit about stairs. I visited the above referenced daughter in Korea earlier this year. Actually we met in Tokyo to visit our exchange student and family. Anyway, we climbed up and down stairs to access the public transportation systems in both countries. When I first got there I thought I’d die climbing the stairs, especially when dragging two suitcases, fortunately on wheels, but nevertheless, up and down and around the train stations, then subway stations, where I got so turned around I was perpetually lost. I think I would have been able to figure out where I was and how to get to where I wanted to go, but my hosts knew where they were going and I just ran to keep up, without being able to study the maps and orient myself. Most of the time it felt as if we would travel in one direction, get off the train, climb up some stairs and down some other stairs and then get on another train which seemed to me to go in the exact direction we had just come from. It was a weird sensation. However, back to the stairs, by the time I had been there for two weeks I could climb the stairs without the burning thighs and huffing breaths. Consistent daily exercise is very beneficial.

Plans –

Well, I think you can see that making plans requires flexibility and adaptation. When I make a menu plan I normally sit down with the calendar to see what is happening when, a list of suggestions for meals (one that I typed up some time ago and keep adding to as I find new ideas), and a piece of paper to make a shopping list, although I attempt to use my pantry as much as possible and use shopping to restock my pantry.

So I look at what activities are on each day, and determine who will be home that evening for supper or dinner, we use the terms interchangeably. Then I decide what kind of meal would suit the day best, sometimes I even look at the weather forecast as I like to match the meal to the mood induced by the weather. A pot of hot chili does not taste as good on a warm autumn evening as it does on a cold autumn evening. If I am uncertain about having a particular item needed in a meal or a recipe I get up and check the freezer, cupboard, pantry, etc. and if I need something it is added to the shopping list. I fill in the menu plan as completely as I can, meaning I write down a complete meal, main dish, sides, salads, etc. That way I can be sure of balancing the proteins, starches, and vegetables, as well as attempting to make meals colorful rather than monochromatic, which I am prone to do. For example I have served a meal of chicken breasts, brown rice and cauliflower. It all tasted good, but was not visually appealing. So I do my best to vary the colors among the foods. That is not always easy as I am the only one in the family who likes and eats tomatoes either alone or in dishes, and they add such a pretty color. I do substitute red bell peppers when I can, simply for the bright, contrasting color.

Did you know we are supposed to eat a rainbow every day? Yes, it is true. Let’s see how many different foods we can name by color.

Purple/blue: berries, grapes, (I would say eggplant except I always peel it so the skin never shows up in the meal), beets, red cabbage, plums, figs

green: spinach, broccoli, peas, apples, grapes, limes, kiwi, green beans, lettuce, cabbage, celery, cucumber, honeydew melon, pears

Yellow/Orange: carrots, sweet potato, pumpkin, squash, corn, yellow onion, lemons, orange, tangerine, grapefruit, pineapples, mangoes, papaya, peaches, nectarines, apricots, cantaloupe, eggplant (here because the flesh is yellow)

Red: tomato, radish, chili peppers, red bell peppers, apples, strawberries, cherries, grapes, berries, watermelon, pomegranate, cranberries,

White/Brown: (Not actually part of the rainbow, but nutritious none the less) cauliflower, mushrooms, garlic, potatoes, onions, parsnips, turnips, jicama, coconut, pears, white peaches, bananas, dates, ginger

There are many, many more available if you look for them. All of them have nutrients that are both beneficial and necessary for health. We cannot just take a pill and get all we need. The chemical makeup of fruits and vegetables is so complex that it simply cannot be duplicated in pill form. Plus we need all the fiber in the actual fruit or vegetable.

Unfortunately I live in a northern area where markets have limited selection of produce. I do the best I can with what is available. And that is all anyone can do.

NaNoWriMo - Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The Before

I weigh one hundred, ninety-eight pounds; but that does not tell you much, certainly not enough about why I want to lose weight, until you also know that I stand five feet seven inches tall. Would it help to tell you my size? Well, those would be large, extra-large, 1X, sixteen, eighteen and twenty in ready to wear; while in sewing patterns I can fit into eighteens and twenties, although my measurements put me into size twenty-two (which is too revolting to contemplate).

When I got married my mother made my wedding dress a size ten, which usually fit me perfectly, except in this case the waist was too large so she took it in an inch on both sides so the dress fit exactly. I believe my waist measured twenty-three inches at the time.

So perhaps weight, height and even size are still not enough information about my body. Numbers, whether weight or size, are only relevant in relation to the total picture. Typical before pictures are captions with a weight and after pictures with a size. She lost 50 pounds and now is a size two. What does that mean? Weight is meaningless without a corresponding height and skeletal size, or body measurements.

In the interest of being excruciating in my detail I will share my current body measurements.

Starting at the top (all measurements in inches):

Neck: 16 ¼

Bust: 44

Bicep: 14 ¾

Waist: 37

Abdomen: 46 ½

Hips (9” below waist): 46 ¾

Thigh: 26

Calf: 16 ½

Ankle: 9 ½

Wrist: 6 ¾

These measurements put me in a size 22 Vogue Pattern. Alternately an extra-large, 18-20 at L.L. Bean.  My wedding measurements put me in a size 10 pattern, and size 0-2 at L.L. Bean. Such is the range of numbers one can be slotted into.

I’ve long wished for, and advocated for a change in women’s sizing to reflect actual body measurements so that sizes between manufacturers and designers would be consistent. A thirty-two inch bust is just that, whether a pattern or ready to wear. A 35 inch waist is what you’d look for in skirts or slacks whether off the rack or in the pattern book.

Susan Powter, author of Stop the Insanity, wrote of trying on swim suits after losing a significant amount of weight and finding that a size ten slid off her body completely. The size she wore before her weight gain no longer fit, not because she was smaller than she was before but that manufacturers had changed the sizes to vanity sizing so that we think we’re smaller. Sizes based on actual body measurements would be consistent over time.

Of course, my before picture would not be complete without a description of the effects of gravity on my aging body. I now have saggy fat on top of flabby muscles which produces unattractive rolls down my back, and sides. I not only need to lose the excess fat, I need to tighten and tone the underlying muscles so my body will look and feel fit and attractive.

The only time in my life when I’ve lost a significant amount of weight was in 1999-2000 and I didn’t do anything to affect the change. It just happened as a result of peace after a period of intense stress. I am a stress eater and turn to food when under stress; or angry, or down, or anxious or any other negative emotion. At that time, however, I was still nursing a child and the weight magically melted off.

Helena Bonham Carter said it best, “People say, ‘You’re still breastfeeding, that’s so generous.’ Generous, no! It gives me boobs and it takes my thighs away! It’s sort of like natural liposuction. I’d carry on breast-feeding for the rest of my life if I could.”

Amen, sister!

NaNoWriMo and a Busy Woman

My daughter participates in an annual event called National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo (na-no-rye-mo, if that makes it easier to pronounce). She has encouraged me to participate also, and some years I have, most years I haven't. November is a busy month preparing for me what with preparing for winter and for upcoming holidays and such. I wasn't going to this year but as I woke up Sunday morning a thought flickered through my brain and took hold. I pondered it all day Sunday and by Monday I decided to give it a go.

This year I'm not writing a novel or work of fiction, but am doing a "memoir" of my efforts to change habits and lose weight and become physically fit. I began a day late but have managed to catch up to where I should be, word-count wise, to finish by the end of the month.

Yes, I'm still busy,but having a deadline is actually helping me to focus and get more done. I decided to share what I'm writing here so you can enjoy, get a laugh out of, or be disgusted, as the case may be, with my efforts.

The Light of a New Day

A Journal of Change and Discovery

Chapter One

The Beginning, A Very Good Place to Start

I read somewhere that those persons who are most successful at losing weight are alike in one important thing; that thing being a firm commitment to change no matter what.

I have tried numerous times to change habits and lose weight but have not been successful. Perhaps if I keep a journal of my journey in excruciating detail I will have a better chance of keeping my commitment to change eating habits and patterns, and adding regular exercise to my days in the form of cardio, strength training, and flexibility or stretching.

I know basically what to do, it is a matter of choosing to do it consistently, regularly, dependably, and whatever other adverb works in this context.

Yesterday was the first of November and I had moments of doing well and moments of doing poorly. I started the day fasting as it was the first Sunday of the month. I have not participated in a true fast for a long time and was not prepared to do so yesterday so I just skipped breakfast, but did take my aspirin, garlic and Omegas in the morning. After church I opted to have a “cutie” Clementine as a snack while preparing lunch. That felt pretty good. Lunch was leftover roast, boiled red potatoes, with gravy, and steamed broccoli. At least half of my plate was the broccoli so I did well there except I drizzled gravy on it instead of eating it plain. It was a little undercooked for my taste, but Steve likes vegetables crisp rather than soft.

After lunch I fell off the wagon and ate three double stuffed Oreos, left by James; and over the course of the day and evening a whole bunch (I did not count them) of mini boxes of Milk Duds left over from Halloween. Along the way I also scarfed down a bowl of chocolate ice cream, while sitting on the couch watching the movie, The Ultimate Gift. So much for exercise, my elbows sure got a work out, but nothing else.

Of course, it was Sunday and I do not usually exercise on the Sabbath, except perhaps a short walk with Steve occasionally. The weather was beautiful, but he had gone to school to work on some projects there.

One of the difficulties I regularly encounter is the difference in needs, tastes, and desires for food between Steve and I, and our children. Steve is not interested in eating less meat, and more vegetables. He will not eat lentils, or plain beans. His plate is two thirds meat and potatoes, and less than one third vegetables. So I either have to make two meals or adjust the serving portions to suit my needs. Neither option is optimal. Making two meals is more work; adjusting portions is more temptation. I have yet to find a balance point between those two options.

Other than the one meal all I ate yesterday was sweet carbohydrates. Not the optimal choices.

The other factor in my desire to change is the desire to be frugal. This morning for breakfast I served the rest of the bagels and cream cheese in an effort to use them up before they go bad. I cooked the last two slices of bacon and served them to Steve and Dan. But I had a whole bagel instead of just a half. I peeled and served a cutie to both Steve and I for a small serving of fruit with breakfast.

I had purchased bananas last week for Dan to eat, as it is one of the few fruits that he likes, but he has not eaten any and I will have to use them up in banana bread this week which means more temptation for me unless I give it all away.

On a positive note I have not bought any chips, either potato or corn or tortilla. When they are in the house they are a constant temptation to me because they are fast and easy to grab and eat. I need to concentrate on preparing vegetables and salads to eat rather than relying on fast junk food. When I do take the time to make a salad I am rewarded with great taste, texture and fullness without the calories.

I know I need to make a meal plan and stick to it. Planning meals in advance takes time initially, but uses less time because I do not have to think about what to fix when it is time to prepare a meal. I can simply look at the menu plan and get to work. Sticking to it is a bit more difficult as my emotions ebb towards the end of the day and I do not “feel” like putting in a lot of effort. However, I must remember that I want to save money as well as lose weight to be healthy. Planning meals and sticking to the plan will go a long way to achieving my goals.

Yesterday I weighed in at one hundred, ninety-eight pounds. YUCK! That is seventy-three pounds more than I weighed on my wedding day. And sixty pounds heavier than I was at my slimmest after all my children were born. I am ashamed to say that it is more than I ever weighed during any of my five pregnancies. I am not meant to be this heavy. It is uncomfortable; I do not fit my clothes; I do not look attractive; I am not fit and healthy. I must change if I am to reach my goal of being an attractive, fit and healthy woman, wife, mother, and grandmother. (Not that I am a grandmother yet, but I want to be ready.)

Last month I attempted to change habits but was not successful. I want to make another attempt this month and document, in excruciating detail, my efforts.

This morning I threw away the last of the Milk Duds; in the large trash can on the back porch where they will stay until taken away on Wednesday.

My plan for exercising today is to rake leaves this afternoon. That should be a good workout for my shoulders, arms, pectorals, as well as my back and waist.

When I return from my errand to Des Moines I will make a menu plan for the week, including lunches for me. I will make a brief mental inventory of the available foods in the freezer, pantry and fridge, then choose the meals based on what we have in the house. My other goal this month is to be frugal, and provident by using what I have available without going to the store.

Later –

I agonized for a few moments other whether to take something with me to eat or to buy something while out and about. Goal keeping won out and I took an apple sliced, six Ritz crackers, with six slices of hot pepper jack cheese, plus two bottles of water. It was plenty and I stuck to both of my goals.

However, I was so tired upon arrival at home that I chose to use the emergency pizza in the freezer for dinner for Steve and me. It was a supreme pizza anyway, which no one else eats, without picking things off of it.

I can say also that driving long distances gives the illusion of activity, but simply sitting in a car is not exercise. And the few trips carrying groceries in from the car to the kitchen does not exactly qualify as vigorous exercise either, although it is better than nothing, just barely. I used my tiredness as an excuse to not get outside and rake the leaves, however, tomorrow is forecast to be another gorgeous autumn day so I can get out there and do it.

After I took Dan to work I sat at the computer catching up on emails and such eating a handful of Sunsweet Prunes. These satisfy my sweet tooth while giving me some nutrition and fiber. I enjoy them!

I have a vision in my mind of what I want to look like. My arms hang straight at my sides, my waist is smooth and visible, while my hips are not wider than my shoulders.  My upper arms are firm and tapering from shoulder to elbow; my thighs do not rub, and my knees and ankles are trim and shapely. My behind is not a shelf and clothes hang neatly from shoulder to hemline. I have energy and endurance. I can rise from sitting without assistance or grunting. I can kneel gracefully for prayer. I can bend at the waist to tie my shoes without feeling squashed or my head denied of blood. Necklaces hang gracefully around my neck, my face is sculpted and youthful. I do not mind looking my age as long as I look fit and healthy. I know my skin will not look like it did during my twenties, but I have taken fairly good care of it and many people think I am younger than my age.

I have a wonderful wardrobe of gorgeous clothes just waiting for me to slim down and get into them. Many of these lovelies are linen, my favorite fabric; several are corduroy, a favorite of mine for winter. I will not have to buy new clothes if I can be faithful and diligent in eating healthfully and exercising regularly. I want to get back into my beautiful temple dress. The polyester muumuu I was given is serviceable but ugly. My cotton embroidered dress is lovely and I want to wear it again.

Each day is a new day. Each day I can do better than the day before. Each day I WILL do better than the day before. My patriarchal blessing admonishes me to keep the Word of Wisdom. I will endeavor to do so by increasing my intake of vegetables, fruits, and whole grains, while decreasing or limiting my intake of meats. I will measure portions, eliminate sugary treats, eat mindfully and exercise regularly.

Sunday morning I woke up to sunshine through the window, and the phrase “the light of a new day” in my mind. I thought about the appropriateness of a new month, the change back to standard time, and another chance to begin again. What a blessing to be able to repent of past mistakes, and move forward with a clean slate.

Over There

I'm putting up my (sort of) annual Count Your Blessings posts over there on my other blog.

Thanks for stopping by; I'm planning to be back in business in the new year.